I want to change

I am dread of my life now. I want a change. I want to change myself. Here’s one scenario.

You are in a party or seminar where there’s lots of people. Are you the kind of person that are proactive? That kind that stand up, shake your hand with others and say “Hi, nice to meet you, my name is xxx or are you the kind that waits for people to introduce themselves to you.

If you know me well, i belong to the latter kind. And that’s the reason why my social circle is small. So the first thing that i need to change is to be more proactive.

OK. Here’s another weakness of me, pointed out from a true friend. I don’t really realised it till now. “I tend to “cut” in conversations. May be while Girl A and Girl B is talking and i suddenly cut into it”. That’s very unrespectful of me. Remember, true friends are friends that don’t hesitate to point out your mistakes because they want you to improve. I am glad i met a few true friends in my life till now.

Because i am of a quiet personality, people might thought that i am unfriendly or not interested in bonding with them or even self fish, but in fact i am not. Actually i faced this problem alot. I could still remember around few years back, when some guys (forget who are those) wanted to ask some questions regarding school work. And lol, i could heard they clearly whispering to each other. “nono, you ask.. don’t 1 la.. i scared u ask..” Seems that i am not really good with human relations afterall. And, i finally found the reason to this kind of problem. Because i look unfriendly.

Procrastination. I can’t believe i am facing this particular problem now. I am those kind that “Today stuffs must be completed today”. But that was months back. Maybe it’s due to too much slacking and reason of no schooling that i tend to procrastinate my work now.

While i am writing this post, something stuck me in my head, the conversation i have with kelvin a few weeks ago. Well, it’s also about changing oneself. Kelvin told me that he wanted to change his life, he wanted to change the way people look at him. And i am very inspired and motivated by the conversation i had with him, because we have the same desire and aim. In other words, we are on the same boat.

Human are by no means perfect and everyone bound to have some faults in them. Don’t ask me why, ask god or buddha why they created us in this way. I made alot of mistakes in my past which i regretted and couldn’t forget, i am sure all of us do make mistakes. I hope it’s still not late for me to change. I don’t wana spent the rest of my life staying the kind of person i am now. I dread of it.

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